At the launch of all of this madness God had a busy first week, he was overworked, rightfully so, after creating light, dry land, and the sun was no picnic, don’t even broach the topic of the moon and the stars, he won’t have any of it. And then came the biggest pain in the ass, those troublesome human beings. Frail entitled assholes. And though it is widely believed that he took a breather and rested on Sunday that is not necessarily true. On the seventh day before wrapping it up and calling it quits for that incredibly busy week, God realized how difficult his job was going to be, he might have bit off more than he could chew, and if he was being honest with himself he could use a hand with things, so he came in for four hours, straight pay mind you, and created an even more omniscient and powerful being than himself for counsel and to advise him on all matters, he won’t come out and say it but it was his best work. His swan song creation, a trophy of sorts, this mortal’s name was Kaiser Perfecto.

All creatures living and deceased operated under the dominion of Kaiser, whether they liked it or not, whether they knew it or not. The main focus was his instrumental work with the Agency. The Agency was responsible and oversaw all things structurally related to the City. A metropolis like any other that was burning and in decline. The elected officials that failed you were not put in place by you, the people, it was Kaiser. Though it is forbidden to acknowledge any fault or flaws in Kaiser, the only man who can break the rules he helped implement. Word is, it was actually Kaiser who chiseled out the Decalogue and handed those two heavy stone tablets to Moses. Yahweh only cosigned the commandments. 

Kaiser fixed the unruly silver strands atop his inflated skull and extended a soft hand to the new kid, Owen, who took it and shook it with a strong firm grip, but not too strong, he didn’t want to draw the boss’s ire. You have to admit it must be terrifying to be in the presence of such grace. The conversation started with a lie. Liars never like to be called liars. “I want you to know if you ever disagree with a directive or feel mistreated by me you can come and talk to me about it. Also, I want you to know I’m not fond of your uncle.” What do you say to your new boss, with such a portfolio of accomplishments, who looks like he wants to talk some serious trash about your relative. It’s a safe assessment to reckon most industries dabble in a fair amount of nepotism. Also he wasn’t the new kid’s relative. He was the new kid’s pregnant girlfriend’s uncle, no direct blood relation so he didn’t divulge anything during the hiring process, and he was told by the director of the department to keep the information to himself, which clearly the director did not do herself. One does not hide things from Kaiser.

Owen had gone through orientation and signed his name on the dotted lines, for what must have been a hundred different forms and now reported to the yard, where he would report to each day before being dispatched to a jobsite. He was given a locker and met a few of the guys. The hardest part of the job was the clashing of personalities. That was the first bit of advice that was true. Times have changed and it is not the agency of old, the provisional worker had the same rights as a civil service employee, but don’t say that to the old timers, don’t even think it in front of Kaiser, he can read minds. 

Owen was quiet and kept to himself mostly. I heard things though, bad things, but I heard bad things about everyone who worked at the Agency. It is a wonder they hired all those bad people at all. I heard most of these stories second hand, as a third party but I’ve watched the man, the myth, the self appointed legend as a layer of protection in his microcosm, I’ve stood and witnessed many of his worst moments but who am I to judge, I’m just standing here, and he’s always paid attention to me in a kind manner. 

“You went to school?” asked Kaiser, rocking in his throne, behind a cluttered desk of important papers and a plethora of tropical plants as his backdrop. 

“Yes,” said Owen, nervously. “I got a degree in English Lit but I didn’t want to be a teacher. I wanted to write novels.”

“You should write a book about me. Have I got stories.” said Kaiser, smirking to himself, thinking of all the things he could take credit for, they danced on the tip of his tongue. 

Be careful what you ask for, someone smart like Kaiser once said that, probably. 

A little excerpt from some fiction I’m fiddling with. I have two long-form ideas in the works, they are far from done, far from being remotely complete, but I enjoyed this bit and felt like sharing. Hope you enjoyed it and I’ll keep working. Be well and as always thank you for reading.